'Self' Progress: First-Quarter Report

Those of you who follow me on social media know that every year—at least for the past few years—I compose an annual New Year’s themed blog post in which I lay out my resolutions for the coming year. Why do I do this? Mainly, to hold myself accountable in the public square. I’ve learned over the years that resolutions kept to oneself are easier to take shortcuts around, gloss over, or just conveniently forget altogether. Each year, I establish at least three goals, laid out within the holistic framework of mind, body, and soul. This year’s post can be found here.

For this year’s mind-centric resolution, I set out to drastically limit political postings to my Facebook wall and have tried to refrain from commenting on political threads elsewhere. Three months in to 2019, and I’d deem progress on this goal well underway. One scroll through my social media feeds and you’ll see a tremendous (dare I say, “bigly”?) reduction in the number of posts about our current administration. Yes, there are a few—times when I simply can’t contain the myriad thoughts that pour out of my mind onto the keyboard, times when I feel like I really have something of value to add to the conversation. And, yes, I’ve succumbed to the demonic pull of commenting on others’ political posts on occasion, try as I might not to. But, overall, vast improvement noted in this area. I’ve also continued the strides made in the year-prior’s slate of resolutions, continuing to limit my news sources, filtering out biased sources in favor of more unbiased, legitimate ones.

After tanking both of my 2018 body-related resolutions—re-gaining forty of the fifty pounds lost in 2017 and failing miserably to decrease my psychological reliance on Starbucks coffee—I’m proud to say that Stella’s got her groove back in this area. After a shaky start in January, I’ve now dramatically decreased my Starbucks consumption—the iced Cinnamon Dolce latte and accursed bacon, egg, and gouda breakfast sandwich were my mainstays—to once per week, down from daily. I went cold turkey, suffered through the psychological withdrawal and am now no longer dependent on that daily fix. In addition, after failing last year to recalibrate following Oprah’s tinkering with the Weight Watchers’ successful SmartPoints program by adding the nonsensical “freestyle” element, I’ve finally found my way through the program’s changes and lost just over 15 pounds over this first quarter (and, really, more like since the middle of February when I finally re-grouped enough and got serious). That puts me at 25% of my 60-pound year-end goal—exactly where I should be. More than enough to declare first-quarter success on my “body” goals for 2019!

Lastly, regarding those soul/spirit-centric goals I’ve set for myself in 2019, I’m also off to a solid start there as well. I’ve already accomplished my priority this year: Completion of my first poetry collection(!). While it resides with a select handful of beta readers who I trust to offer unflinching feedback, I will next begin to scout out an appropriate publishing home for it. I will now commence completion of that handful of unfinished short stories I mentioned in my New Year’s post and find fitting homes for those while I await word on the one that was submitted to a very cool themed anthology earlier in the year. I also set out to perform more acts of kindness this year, with a goal of performing one random act of charity/kindness per month. Although the acts have been small, I’ve kept kindness on my mind through the first three months of the year—and will continue to do so. Good progress on the “soul” goals!

So, enough about me. How are YOU doing on your goals for 2019?

Resolve: 2018 Edition

As those of you who follow me on social media, my blog, and/or in real life know, last year at this time, I laid out a blueprint for how I was going to improve myself in the coming year—mind, body, and soul. Happily, by sticking to my plan, I successfully enhanced all three spheres: my mind (by limiting news sources and cutting out some TV hours that were redirected back to reading); my body (by re-joining Weight Watchers and losing 50 pounds over the course of the year); and my soul (by reflecting on one thing I am grateful for each day, without fail, and posting it to social media).

While I was successful with all three aspects of my self-improvement plan, the latter was particularly so. As I noted on Facebook yesterday, by focusing on what I have instead of what I want, I changed my whole outlook for the better—it helped me cope far better with the occasional disappointments or frustrations that came along during the year. Interestingly, much of what I wanted just came along during the ride and slid in effortlessly. I also found was a direct correlation between my mental state at the time I sat down to compose my daily post and the ease with which I was able to think of something for which I was grateful. On days that I was tired or cranky, the gratitude came slower than days on which I felt rested and upbeat. But by coaxing the gratitude out, it had an almost pheromonal, positive effect and helped energize me. That reinforced for me the strength of our mind-body-soul connection.

So, now 2018 has arrived and it’s time to set upon a new set of resolutions. I’m going to again eschew an ordered list in favor of the more holistic approach that seemed to work well for me last year. Why tinker with what worked? That’s the set-up; granted it’s nowhere near as compelling a preamble as last year’s with the then-current state of politics adding gravitas and a tidy, broader perspective in which to frame my resolutions. Alas, not all introductions are created equal.

I. Mind

Piggybacking on last year’s resolution to read more (which was accomplished by cutting several hours of television time out of my weekly scheduled), this year’s mind-related resolution will be to read more than last year (goodbye, GOTHAM and MADAM SECRETARY…) and—more importantly—to read more widely. It’s no secret that I’m fairly well-read in my chosen genre of speculative fiction, but I’ve found over the years that in a bid to “keep up” with all the new books published in horror that I’ve sacrificed other genres I equally enjoy. So, this year, it’s back to literary fiction, mysteries, LGBT fiction, and at least one non-fiction book that strikes my fancy (I’ve got my eye on the Armistead Maupin biography that’s been staring at me from the bookshelf).

II. Body

This one’s easy. I’m going to continue on my current weight loss trajectory and resolve to lose another fifty pounds. I swerved a little at the end of last year—in fairness, Oprah’s tinkering with the successful SmartPoints program by adding the nonsensical “freestyle” element didn’t help one iota—and January will be my month to recalibrate and get back on the proverbial wagon.

I’m also going to decrease my psychological reliance on Starbucks. Although I did successfully lose last year’s weight while indulging in a daily stop at the coffeehouse, I don’t like the fact that I “need” my Starbucks. Plus, the 18 SmartPoints I use every morning is now more than half my daily allotment under O’s re-tooled “freestyle” program so cutting back is also practical. I’m shooting for the stars here with a dramatic decrease from a daily stop (seven per week) to just two—either weekends or once on Saturday following weigh-in and one mid-week pick-me-up. Less sugar, less daily SmartPoints used, less money given to Mr. Schultz and company, although by all accounts they’re lovely folks.

III. Soul (Spirit)

Last year, I experienced my greatest resolution-related success with my daily gratitude postings. Not only did they reframe my own perspective, they also seemed to connect with folks who follow me on social media—an unintended but welcome altruistic twist on what’s essentially a bid for self-improvement. This year, I’m again going to aspiringly set out with two resolutions to enhance my spiritual well-being.

First, I’m once again to consciously devote more time to my writing. Last year, I was able to complete two short stories and submit them to editors, resumed writing book reviews for my online DARK SCRIBE MAGAZINE, (finally) finished editing the long-gestating UNPEAKABLE HORROR 2 anthology and saw that published, and rather unexpectedly discovered an affinity for writing poetry. This year, I resolve to return to one of my (three!) unfinished novels and make significant headway with one. If I find myself unmotivated to work on the novel, I resolve to write something—review, short story, or poem—to keep the forward momentum.

Second, in perhaps a quest to help foster the first, I’m going to look for inspiration. Just as I committed to reflecting on something that I was grateful for and documenting my gratitude last year, this year I’m going to seek out something that inspires me—a quote, a piece of art, a person, a place, a photograph, a book or film, a historical figure, a motivational article, a clever meme, a current events story reported in the media—and post it to Facebook each day. The idea is to refocus my perspective on all the inspiring people, places, and things that surround me and use those as inspiration to be the best possible version of myself and motivation to do the work required to do so. So, there you have it: 2018 is the year of inspiration!

I’d like to extend heartfelt wishes to all my friends and readers everywhere for much happiness, success, and a personally satisfying year of the highest order ahead. As I said last year: Irrespective of what resolutions you make this January 1st, remember—above all else—to be kinder to yourself in 2018.

With love, light, and inspiration…

Resolve: 2017 Edition

Another new year is upon us. This one seems to hold particular significance coming off the tumultuous year that was 2016. From the veritable circus sideshow leading up to and in the days following our nation’s historic Presidential election to the seemingly endless roll call of notable deaths, 2016 isn’t likely to be remembered as either the gentlest or kindest of years. Civility seemed to wane considerably, fear seemed to take hold of minds and hearts, and both reason and rationalism were unceremoniously tossed out the proverbial window in favor of emotionally-charged rhetoric often devoid of sense or sensibility. Facts became inconvenient and people became firmly rooted in personal convictions informed by fake news sites, heavily-biased media sources reflecting their own political affiliation, and outright conspiracy theories that took on lives of their own across social media platforms.

Some of the consequences of such a game-changing year seem permanent and intractable as we flip the calendar this morning. Minds of all shapes and varieties closed over the course of 2016, and it’ll likely take great mental crowbars to pry them open again.

Amid such a challenging landscape, personal New Year’s resolutions take on a new sense of urgency. After all, when the world seems to be spiraling out of control, we look to gain some semblance of solid footing – to compensate for what we can’t control in the world around us by seeking change within ourselves and our own insular worlds.

With that preamble, the stage is set for my own New Year’s resolutions. But instead of creating an ordered list this year, I’m taking a more holistic approach to formulating my personal pledges and promises. I’m going to approach 2017 with a desire to improve myself mind, body, and soul – with each resolution directly tied to one of those broader spheres of holistic well-being.

I. Mind

I’ve got two resolutions to improve my mind. First – and I’ve already started this post-election – is that I’m going to limit my news sources. As of now, I’m focusing on NPR, the BBC, and (to a lesser extent) the NEW YORK TIMES. I’ll keep my mind open to exploring other news sources with reputations for fair and unbiased reporting, but I’m going to try and consider news sources whose percentages of unbiased versus biased are higher. This will be a tough one because headlines are seductive, especially when one speaks to a personal perspective. I categorically reject this trend of fake news and recognize that it’s intellectually lazy and dishonest to cite and circulate such.

Second, I’m resolved to decrease my television viewing this year and give that time over to more reading. To this end, I’ve made a list of all the shows I currently watch and re-assessed which ones I look forward to and watch for enjoyment versus those I watch out of habit. Gone are: EMPIRE, ARROW, THE FLASH, LEGENDS OF TOMORROW, SUPERGIRL, QUANTICO, and DIVORCE. That gives me back six and a half hours of time per week that will be spent with my head buried in books and other endeavors outlined below instead of lazily watching the boob tube.  

II. Body

This is an easy one – and likely one shared by many. When I hit the age of 40, I resolved to take better care of my body. By my mid-forties, I weighed less than I did in high school and was in the best shape of my life, a faithful gym rat and dedicated weight watcher. Then old habits insidiously crept back in. Apathy and laziness took over and most of those hard-won bodily gains fell by the wayside. I’m not going to spend much time analyzing and Monday morning quarterbacking on the why’s of this backslide – the mind can be either a powerful ally or foe, and if I could figure out the trick to engaging one while rejecting the other permanently, I’d be a millionaire. Instead, I’m going to forgive myself the failing and look forward to the challenge of achieving physical fitness all over again. Building on past successes in this area and what works for me, I’m not going to overshoot the goals here: I resolve to lose 50 pounds by the end of 2017 and to move more. Simple, to the point.

III. Soul (Spirit)

There are a trio resolutions making up my 2017 focus on my spiritual well-being.

The first is to make a concentrated effort to return to my writing. I’ve always struggled with the balance between passion and practicality in my life. I’m blessed-cursed to have a chosen vocation in the healthcare industry that I’m passionate about – one that brings me immense personal satisfaction that meets many of those higher self-actualization hierarchal needs that Maslow famously theorized about while providing the practicality of a generous financial compensation. I term this both a blessing and a curse because I’m also passionate about writing and the creativity that comes with world-building through the written word, which also brings me tremendous personal satisfaction. If my day job in healthcare only provided the financial security and not the personal satisfaction, it might be easier to pursue my writing with more zeal. So, for me, it boils down to consciously making the time to do both. With some of the time gained as part of my “mind” efforts above, I resolve to sit my (hopefully shrinking) ass down in front of the computer and start flexing those creative muscles again.

My second “soul” resolution is to concentrate more on my good fortune in life and myriad blessings. To that end, fulfilling this one is relatively easy and boils down to establishing a daily habit. Each day, I’m going to post something I’m grateful for to my Facebook wall. Easy-peasy. Some days the gratitude may be more profound than others, but the point of this exercise is to increase my level of self-awareness and recognize that blessings need not be momentous to be appreciated.

Lastly, I’m going to try to permanently capture more of what I experience in this grand life of mine. Photography has long been an interest so I’m pledging to take more pictures…to see life through a slightly different lens. It’s another creative outlet in which I’ve dabbled in the past and I’d like to expand both my knowledge and experience. Maybe a class is in my future, or more likely just bringing my camera along for more rides. Either way, I’m going to try to look at life in pictures…and see life reflected back in those pictures.

Wishing all my friends and readers every happiness, success, and personal satisfaction imaginable in the coming year. Regardless of what resolutions you make this January 1st, remember – above all else – to be kinder to yourself in 2017.

I Am

This past year has challenged me to rethink my approach to being...well, me. And it dawned on me, after more months of self-doubt than I care to count and trying to twist myself into an image that I thought was more palatable to others, that I am fine just the way I am. See, I realize that the problem with how others may or may not see me rests with them and not me. So today, an exercise in self-affirmation. Today I own and embrace who I am. I celebrate my good qualities (and there are a few), laugh at my quirks (and there are many), and own those things that I need to improve. Today, the highlights (in no particular order...as random as the thoughts in my head sometimes are):

• I am thoughtful, kind, and generous; but never mistake my kindness for a weakness.
• I used to weigh 270 pounds and ate my emotions; I've since lost over 100 pounds and have kept that weight off for over two years now. This stands as one of my greatest personal triumphs. I embrace my "former fatty" badge because it's part of my history and to forget is to risk repeating history.
• I trust naturally and easily, but once that trust is broken it's hard for me to come back to a place of confidence in someone.
• I have worked out religiously for just over two years now and post about it on Facebook every single time. This may annoy people, but it keeps me on track and accountable so that's all that matters.
• I love my dogs more than some people I cross paths with in life.
• I am obsessed with Jamie Lee Curtis. Not in an "Annie-Wilkes-hobbles-James-Caan-in-Misery" kinda way, but rather in a "wish-we-could-sip-tea-and-watch-Downton-Abbey-together" kinda way.
• I love cheese.
• I dance badly.
• I love character actors.
• I hate animal cruelty and bullies.
• I am organized to a fault.
• I am prone to procrastination.
• I am an unapologetic morning person.
• I love horror movies, especially 80s slasher films.
• I am open and surprisingly adaptable despite my sometimes oppressive need for structure and routine.
• When I fall in love, I'm all in. I am able to be monogamous.
• I am not 20 and am comfortable in the knowledge that my "twink" days are now firmly behind me. I am neither "bear" nor "boi" and have no desire to play either on TV.
• I am funny.
• I am talented.
• I am passive-aggressive at times.
• I am a writer.
• I am a rescuer who often tries to save people from themselves. Even if they don't want to be saved.
• I am creative and possess a strong imagination from which I create.
• I am plagued by self-doubt more often than I'd like.
• I am not always comfortable with my body.
• My left eye always appears to be lower than my right in photographs; I refer to this as my "palsy eye" with much amusement.
• I don't trust my instincts nearly enough even though they have proven to be quite reliable.
• I value loyalty above all else and give it fiercely.
• I am a natural leader and take the responsibility very seriously.
• I always root for the underdog.
• I am a recovering Catholic and inclusive humanist.
• I am a disenchanted Democrat.
• I am attracted to redheads in almost fetish-like proportion.
• I am a volunteer with The Trevor Project because I believe it's important to reach back to the generation behind you and offer a hand to help others up.
• I love to laugh.
• I am an Aries to the core.
• I am obsessed with Starbucks' Earl Grey tea. It makes me inexplicably happy.
• I don't live in the moment enough.
• I am often self-destructive.
• I sometimes struggle to love myself and often put the needs of others before my own; I then resent myself (and others) for it.
• I am analytical and will turn something over and over in my mind until it makes sense.
• I think too much sometimes.
• I am afraid of flying. And mushrooms.
• I am a gay man and hate the shallowness of much of the gay male culture, even if I fall victim to it on occasion.
• I am adopted.
• I am afraid of ending up alone.
• I have a difficult time letting go.
• I am not afraid to open my mind to new things but don't do it nearly enough.
• I am a work in progress.
• I am ok.